Some of the best Bill Burr quotes on life, love, and comedy are compiled here that can help you get your mind right before you head out into the world to do what you do best.
Bill Burr is an American stand-up comedian and actor who is known around the world as one of the most brutally honest comedians on the stage today.
He has been featured in several movies and television shows, including Breaking Bad, Date Night, House of Lies, Adventureland, The Heat, and more.
Bill Burr has been on the comedy scene since the 1990s, and he’s no stranger to controversy.
He’s called out just about everyone from Donald Trump to his own mother, but he’s also very insightful and honest about the issues of everyday life — including love, marriage, raising kids, growing older, and more.
His quotes on these topics are just as entertaining as his famous rants, making him one of the most quotable comedians in history.
Here are some of his best quotes on life, love, and comedy to help you start your day off right.
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Short Bill Burr Quotes
Nothing worse than when a 6 acts like a 10. ―Bill Burr
Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet. ―Bill Burr
Gold diggers are the wife beaters of men! ―Bill Burr
Deny your emotions and act like you have answers. ―Bill Burr
Podcasting is great. Total freedom. ―Bill Burr
You have no idea how long a year is until you’re stone sober. ―Bill Burr
Patrice O’Neal is the best comic I ever saw. ―Bill Burr
Working on the Dave Chappelle show was amazing. ―Bill Burr
I’m not easy to live with. My wife is a saint. ―Bill Burr
The Best Bill Burr Quotes to Make You Laugh and Think
I don’t think that hard about why people come out to my shows or trying to influence them or anything. I’m just happy that they show up. ―Bill Burr
They say you don’t want to meet your heroes, but those two guys, you do want to meet them, because they do not disappoint. Walken has this amazing sense of humor, and Pacino is like just a sweetheart of a guy. ―Bill Burr
If you try to deliver a funny line in a funny way, it comes out as wacky and you ruin the scene. ―Bill Burr
As far as my mindset changing, I see myself having more empathy in my older age. ―Bill Burr
I’m trying to get away from trashing women, to be honest. I think I’ve done enough of that in my career. ―Bill Burr
I’ve been guilty of being in the writers’ room and going too dark; other people have gone too wacky and zany. ―Bill Burr
I’m trying to get away from trashing women, to be honest. I think I’ve done enough of that in my career. ―Bill Burr
I think it’s hilarious the way Obama is depicted post-presidency. He’s always kayaking or playing Jai Alai like he’s some retired athlete or something. Like he wasn’t doing the exact same thing everybody else was doing. ―Bill Burr
When I’m up there, I’m just thinking that I’ve got to make them laugh or they won’t show up next time. ―Bill Burr
When I watch ‘Breaking Bad,’ my stomach is in knots. ―Bill Burr
Haven’t you noticed that every time the government f**ks up McDonald’s has a new sandwich? — Bill Burr
Bill Burr Quotes That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud
I was in NYC during 9/11; it happened on a Tuesday, I was on stage Thursday. It was a small crowd, but it took about 10 days and comedy clubs were packed. ―Bill Burr
A plumber doesn’t change the way he plumbs when he has a kid. You’re a comedian. This is your style. ―Bill Burr
I think it’s a privilege to be able to fly to somewhere where people want to see my show. ―Bill Burr
I don’t take anything from the podcast and bring it to my act, because I feel like that’s been burned, unless I feel like I can really develop it beyond two or three jumps beyond what I said on the podcast. ―Bill Burr
I think I know how to raise a kid. You just play catch with ’em. You just talk about life, and you distract them by throwing the ball. They don’t even notice that you’re filling up their heads with your theories. ―Bill Burr
I love doing radio, and I love doing stand-up, obviously. ―Bill Burr
I’ve battled with that type of stuff, but what I’ve found is that by doing stand-up, I’ve actually learned about depression and how to combat it. I don’t have clinical, but I’ve definitely had my bouts with it. ―Bill Burr
I wish they would teach it in schools: Give people the belief that they are going to do well. A lot of people are really talented and scared to follow their talent because you don’t know where it’s going.
To me, ‘rant’ was ranting and raving. So to me, it’s heightened. emotional flipping out, frothing at the mouth. Where I grew up, that was a rant. I don’t consider what I’m doing ranting. ―Bill Burr
The only time I get sick of making people laugh is when I’m in a non-writing-joke mode, and I just can’t seem to come up with anything new that’s funny. That’s a tough place to be as a comedian. ―Bill Burr
Rich people never go to war. You ask a college kid to go to war, and he’s like, ‘Umm, I’m taking this sociology class, and I think war is, like, really stupid, and my roommate’s, like, half Afghani, so it’s going to cause some static.’ ―Bill Burr
For us, a lot of the cartoon and crazy stuff on ‘F Is for Family’ is tertiary characters; it happens on the television in the show. We try to keep whatever problem the Murphy family is dealing with rooted as much as we can in reality. ―Bill Burr
My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn’t be funny, but to observe it, it’s hilarious. ―Bill Burr
I can’t quite remember who I voted for president. It wasn’t Trump or Hillary, though. I didn’t like either one of them. ―Bill Burr
I have friends in this business who put pictures of their kids on Facebook. That’s not something I would do. ―Bill Burr
Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into. ―Bill Burr
Business runs hot and cold so the more you’re in charge of your own destiny, the better off you are. ―Bill Burr
I have this weird sort of Gemini thing where I can really be empathetic and a loving person. But if you piss me off, I can be one of the meanest, most sadistic people. ―Bill Burr
I gotta be honest with you. Im kind of jealous of the way my dad gets to talk to my mom sometimes. Where are all those old-school women you can just take your day out on? When did they stop making those angels? ―Bill Burr
People focus too much on whether there’s a Democrat or a Republican in office. It’s not like this guy Kim-Jong Un got into power the second Trump got into power. It’s not like he wasn’t a problem. It’s not like we haven’t had warmongers. It’s not like porations haven’t been the main influence on what we’re doing around the world. ―Bill Burr
The first night you walk down to a comedy club, at least for me, I had my voice, and then I went on stage and I lost it. ―Bill Burr
I’ve found is that by doing stand-up, I’ve actually learned how to combat depression. I don’t have clinical, but I’ve definitely had my bouts with it. I just figured out that it’s a choice. You’re in control of your brain. When your brain is sending you bad information or bad thoughts, you can decide to go to the gym, or write a new joke – or if you’re on the road, go to a ball game… something that’s going to get the blood going. Or you can let those thoughts take you right down the rabbit hole. ―Bill Burr
That’s kind of my job in the writer’s room. I’m always the guy going, like, ‘People wouldn’t say that there. They wouldn’t say that.’ Like, I hate when I watch sitcoms and something crazy happens, and people just kind of go, ‘Huh?’ and then they just go on. ―Bill Burr
Realize that sleeping on a futon when you’re 30 is not the worst thing. You know what’s worse, sleeping in a king bed next to a wife you’re not really in love with but for some reason you married, and you got a couple kids, and you got a job you hate. You’ll be laying there fantasizing about sleeping on a futon. There’s no risk when you go after a dream. There’s a tremendous amount to risk to playing it safe. ―Bill Burr
I bet The Walking Dead gets really low ratings out in Montana, just because all they need to do is look out their f-king window, am I right? ―Bill Burr
I’ve been guilty of being in the writers’ room and going too dark; other people have gone too wacky and zany. ―Bill Burr
Oh look, an ATM! Ok, here we go! I lost all my money, now what do I do? Get a gun! Rob a casino! Good idea! Look at all the lights! This is beautiful. ―Bill Burr
I think I just say what I’m thinking. And – you know, if people relate to it, they relate to it, but – I really… you know, if you really listen to me, I don’t have my finger on any pulse. ―Bill Burr
To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I’m just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again. ―Bill Burr
I think it’s hilarious the way Obama is depicted post-presidency. He’s always kayaking or playing jai alai like he’s some retired athlete or something. Like he wasn’t doing the exact same thing everybody else was doing. ―Bill Burr
Stand up comedy is this thing you get to do, so you have to treat it with respect. You can’t just be like, ‘Alright, I got my hour down, people are coming to see me now. Now, I’m going to lean on the mike stand.’ No, you gotta work even harder now. You got to top what you already did. Because they’ll find someone else. ―Bill Burr
Comedians have the ability to feel other emotions. ―Bill Burr
I used to always work in, like, warehouses, because if my boss gave me a rough time, I could just get on a forklift and just, like, drive away from him. ―Bill Burr
If you get a chance to go outside of the country, you start examining where you’re from and some of the thought processes. Like when I finally got away from the East Coast for a while, and I came back there was just this underlying anger that I never noticed before, because I was born there and just dropped right into it. ―Bill Burr
I love making movies and being in any that I can be in. I’d like to be in those giant movies, as the fifth or sixth lead, and have three or four killer scenes. You don’t have the responsibility of the entire movie being on you. I like those roles. I’m shooting for the middle. ―Bill Burr
I used to think you had to live this miserable life and that that would make you funnier, but you don’t. The misery will come. The misery will find you. ―Bill Burr
The word ‘ranting’ is kind of overused now. Literally, if you just talk about a subject for 30 seconds or more, even if you never raised your voice, if I just talk about it, it’s called a rant. ―Bill Burr
What would you rather be? 52 and look 52, or 52 and look like a 28-year-old lizard? ―Bill Burr
God’s everywhere, but I gotta go down (to church) to see him? Really? And he’s mad at me down there, and I owe you money? ―Bill Burr
I’m not going to lie. I am a psycho. Luckily, I get most of it out on stage. ―Bill Burr
What happens is when you have a kid, you are a unique human being, so you are going to have a unique experience. No one can really tell you what you’re going to feel. ―Bill Burr
I’ve never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It’s always the little things that do me in. ―Bill Burr
Did you ever spell a word so bad that your spell check has absolutely no clue what you’re trying to spell? What do you end up getting, you end up getting, like, a question mark? You got a million dollars of technology just looking back at you like, ‘You got me, buddy. Which is pretty amazing because I have all the words.’ — Bill Burr
Let’s go to Brunch. What a great idea! Why would you want to sleep in on a Sunday when you can go pay $18 for eggs? Now, you’re thinking. ―Bill Burr
There’s no brothers when it comes to white people. We are just complete individuals. We don’t care about each other. He’s not my brother; my brother lives in Ohio – I don’t know that guy. ―Bill Burr
I keep doing specials because I think there are a lot of people who make movies and TV who are fans of comedy – if they start to like you, they’ll get a project going and call you in. ―Bill Burr
Do you know how many times a week people ask me why I’m yelling? ―Bill Burr
You have to show up at 7 in the morning and be on like it’s 9 at night. It’s a skill. Some comics run from it, and they hate doing it, but the comics that are pros understand how important it is, and they get good at it. ―Bill Burr
There is a very difficult period in a comedian’s career – it’s that window of time where you’re good enough to draw tickets but nobody knows you yet. ―Bill Burr
I’m always looking at new ways to tell a joke so that it doesn’t get stale while working on new jokes every night or I would go absolutely crazy and would want to kill myself. I just want to go in there and talk about what’s bugging me. ―Bill Burr
I don’t take anything from the podcast and bring it to my act because I feel like that’s been burned – unless I feel like I can really develop it beyond two or three jumps beyond what I said on the podcast. ―Bill Burr
I like finding stuff that I suck at and trying to get better. So I’m taking classes, getting myself comfortable in an acting scene. You’ve got to work out those ticks. For instance, standing up used to be really hard for me. I act much better if I’m sitting down. ―Bill Burr
Once you do a joke and it works it’s only good for so long, like shooting fish in a barrel. ―Bill Burr
People make a big deal about podcasts but it’s basically an online radio show with the sound effects and sidekicks, but because you can curse it’s more like satellite radio. Most of the podcasters were morning guys who were fired when Clear Channel decimated the radio landscape. ―Bill Burr
I think some people really change when they become a dad. Like, I’ve changed in different ways. I – but, like, my comedy hasn’t changed. And I’ve also seen people do that where you become this – you become a dad, and then all of a sudden, you’re trying to be a role model. ―Bill Burr
I’ve battled with that type of stuff, but what I’ve found is that by doing stand-up, I’ve actually learned about depression and how to combat it. I don’t have clinical, but I’ve definitely had my bouts with it. ―Bill Burr
Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog. ―Bill Burr
You’re a kid, your whole life is awesome. It’s awesome, right? You had no money, no ID, no cell phone, no nothing, no keys to the house. You just ran outside into the woods. You weren’t scared of nothing. I challenge you to do that as an adult. All your IDs, all your credit cards – just run out of the house with no phone, turn the corner where you can’t see your house, and not have a full on panic attack. ―Bill Burr
I still remember the first gig where I got people going, it was Rascals in New Jersey, and the place was packed. I was scared. People were expecting me to be funny. I gotta be honest, every time I walk into a club, it’s that same fear. ―Bill Burr
I’m always looking at new ways to tell a joke so that it doesn’t get stale while working on new jokes every night or I would go absolutely crazy and would want to kill myself. I just want to go in there and talk about what’s bugging me. ―Bill Burr
My favorite part of podcasting is running my mouth for an hour. The only time I don’t like it is when I’m off. Then that hour feels like a day and a half. ―Bill Burr
You start in bars and then restaurants, then you want to get into comedy clubs where you feature, then you headline, and once you sell out clubs, you’re into theaters. I’ve been able to get there, and it’s cool to do that. ―Bill Burr
It’s a great time to be a comedian because you’ve got so much more control. You can say what you want to. I think in the old days with the studio system the performer was a bit of an afterthought. You can be a wildcard on the internet. But if you put something on the internet once it’s out there it’s out there for life. ―Bill Burr
You have to understand how bad I wanted to be a comedian, how much I loved doing it. I still can’t believe I get to do this for a living and have people come up and want to see me. ―Bill Burr
I actually had the urge to elbow an elderly lady today… ―Bill Burr
Bill Burr Quotes on Fear and Anxiety
A lot of my fears and anxieties are the fears and anxieties of a six-year-old boy. When I finally confront them, they’re really small. ―Bill Burr
Everyone should just drive out to the Mojave Desert and just experience it, and it’s a fun place to live. ―Bill Burr
Acting in a sitcom or a comedy movie is like a comedy routine with the setups. ―Bill Burr
You know, it wasn’t even that I’m a funny guy, I just loved stand-up comedy and I wanted to do it. It was one of the few things in my life that I knew I was going to be able to do, and I also felt as though I’d be able to do it the way I wanted to do it. ―Bill Burr
My parents have a ridiculous work ethic; my dad just works, works, works, works, works. I think it would be hard to find a guy who’s logged more hours than that guy. ―Bill Burr
Like most comics, I tried to come up with a sitcom idea that was based around my life. And it didn’t work out. But maybe because it didn’t work out, that’s why I ended up on ‘Breaking Bad; ‘ I don’t know. ―Bill Burr
I think the fear of humiliating yourself on stage always motivates me to give at least 90 percent. I’ve definitely been guilty of leaning on the mic stand, but you can only do that so long before you’re like, “Jesus, I’m bombing.” The fact that people pay to come see me, that’s really just out the window. ―Bill Burr
The Giants beating the undefeated Patriots, that’s all a joke. The star of a reality show is going to run the country. The guy who decided if Bret Michaels or Cyndi Lauper would make a better CEO for a company that doesn’t exist is going to be running stuff. ―Bill Burr
If you do live shows long enough as a comedian, you can still hear that rhythm of laughing. It’s ingrained in you, and it’s not something you can really teach somebody. It comes from doing hours and hours and hours and years and decades on stage, performing in front of live crowds. ―Bill Burr
If I can sell out clubs and theaters and play dirtbags in movies, and get blown up in a car or get the crap beat out of me in a movie, that’s good for me; I’m good. ―Bill Burr
I am so pro-swine flu it’s ridiculous. ―Bill Burr
Being a stand-up comic, this isn’t a stepping-stone for me; it’s what I do, and this is what I’m always going to do. And even if I do a TV show, the only reason to do a TV show is to get more people to know me to come out to my stand-up shows. ―Bill Burr
You probably need 1/10 of the world’s population for us to continue to exist. There’s just too many damn people. You have to somehow get us from 7 billion people to… I don’t know what the magic number is, but I imagine at some point, that will happen. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I’m making the cut. ―Bill Burr
Quotes You’d Love to Tweet
I do my podcast on Mondays for a specific reason. A lot of people go to work and don't like their jobs. If you give people something to laugh about, it's good. ―Bill Burr Click To TweetI just do my act. If people in England don't get my joke I make fun of myself for telling it. ―Bill Burr Click To TweetI was painfully shy when I was younger but at some point you’ve gotta grow up. I think the genius in the man-boy thing is you tap into a woman’s motherly instincts. ―Bill Burr Click To TweetBeing a comedian is an incredible thing, but it can be scary sometimes. ―Bill Burr Click To TweetThe first guy who got Aids was a French flight attendant. How you like that Frenchie! You know when I come back and run for office, that may be the one that comes back and haunts me. ―Bill Burr Click To TweetLook how long it took to build the Freedom Tower, and we wanted that. It took 15 years. ―Bill Burr Click To TweetI'm not easy to live with. My wife is a saint. ―Bill Burr Click To TweetThere is no reason to hit a woman. And I was just like, really? I could give you like 17 right off the top of my head. ―Bill Burr Click To TweetI love my dog. I hate bankers. I have issues with women. In my head, I’m a great guy. ―Bill Burr Click To TweetCarnegie Hall is as good as they say it is. It’s not like Stonehenge, which looks great in books, but then you go there and it’s a pile of rocks next to a highway. There’s actually a highway right next to it, but you don’t see that in pictures.… Click To TweetDownload Best Bill Burr Quotes
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FAQs
Who is Bill Burr?
Bill was born in 1968, in Canton, Massachussets, and he attended Emerson College in Boston. His first taste of comedy came while performing theater during college and quickly turned into a career following graduation. Since 1990, he has performed stand-up across the country and around the world while hosting several TV specials such as HBO’s One Night Stand and Unruly Jokes on Comedy Central.
What are Bill Burr famous shows?
There are many shows in which Bill Burr has appeared. Some of Bill Burr’s famous shows are Saturday Night, The Comedy Store, and Immoral Compass.
What is Bill Burr’s net worth?
Bill Burr is a wealthy man. We estimate his net worth to be $13 million, which is impressive considering he does not charge for his stand-up comedy. This is largely due to the fact that Bill Burr earns about $12 million a year from touring and releasing new albums of stand-up.
What is Bill Burr’s philosophy on life?
Bill Burr has an interesting philosophy on life. He believes that a person should have the ability to live their life in a way that will make them happy, whether it’s by choosing to spend more time with family or friends or quitting their job and starting something new.
Whom does Bill Burr idolize the most?
Bill Burr is a huge fan of fellow comedians like Richard Pryor, George Carlin, and Steven Wright. He considers them to be his idols and has used their comedy as inspiration for his own act.
What are the places Bill Burr frequently visits?
Bill Burr has also mentioned that he is a big fan of the city of Montreal, Quebec. He’s visited the city at least 15 times over the past 20 years and finds it to be a beautiful place to visit.
What is Bill Burr’s message to his fans?
Bill Burr always appreciates his fans for all of the support they provide. He always conveys, “Don’t let anybody tell you who you are. It’s really important, especially in this world, to know who you are.”
Conclusion
Bill Burr is one of the most popular comedians in the world today. There are always valuable nuggets of wisdom buried within his profanity-laden rants.
From dealing with addiction to relationships to personal fulfillment, this article features the best Bill Burr quotes on life, love, and comedy—so far.
You might not always agree with his point of view, but you will always be entertained by his jokes.
You can visit his website billburr.com to know a lot more about him and his upcoming events and programs.
Hope you enjoyed reading these best quotes from Bill Burr! Leave a comment here if you have any other favorite quotes from him.
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