The Movie Trading Places is filled with Hilarious Quotes that will Definitely have you Laughing Out Loud
If you’re in the mood to watch an old movie, but you can’t seem to decide on one, then Trading Places might be just what you need!
Starring Eddie Murphy and Dan Aykroyd as two very different people who are unexpectedly switched, this movie has plenty of quotable lines that will have you laughing out loud.
Trading Places is one of those movies you can watch over and over again without getting tired of it.
There are so many memorable quotes from the film, you’re bound to find something that makes you laugh every time you watch it.
Here are some of the best trading places quotes to make you laugh out loud.
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Best Trading Places Quotes
Hey, baby, what’s happening? How are ya doing? Once you have a man with no legs, you never go back, baby. I know what you’re thinkin’. You seen “Porgy and Bess”? We can make it, baby! Me and you!… You BITCH! ―Billy Ray Valentine
Best Billy Ray Valentine Quotes
That’s called the “quart of blood” technique. You do that, a quart of blood will drop out of a person’s body. ―Billy Ray Valentine
May I suggest using your night stick officer? – Billy Ray Valentine
When I was a kid, if we wanted a jacuzzi, we had to fart in the tub. ―Billy Ray Valentine
Hey that’s the motherf- I mean… that’s the gentleman that had me busted. ―Billy Ray Valentine
Billy Ray Valentine, Capricorn. ―Billy Ray Valentine
Best Louis Winthorpe III Quotes
Those men wanted to have sex with me! ―Louis Winthorpe III
He was wearing my Harvard tie. Can you believe it? MY Harvard tie. Like oh, sure, HE went to Harvard. ―Louis Winthorpe III
I had the most absurd nightmare. I was poor and no one liked me. I lost my job, I lost my house, Penelope hated me and it was all because of this terrible, awful Negro. ―Louis Winthorpe III
That’s PCP! Phenycyclidine. Angel dust! You ever seen what this stuff does to kids? You’re looking at 3 to 5 mandatory… Louis! ―Corrupt Cop
Best Quote by Ophelia
By the way, food and rent aren’t the only things around here that cost money. You sleep on the couch. ―Ophelia
Strip, you little shit, before I tear your ass! ―Officer Reynolds
Best Quote by Bunny
And she stepped on the ball. ―Bunny
Monkey? MONKEY! I’m a gorilla, you clown! ―Harvey
It ain’t cool being no jive turkey so close to Thanksgiving. ―Even Bigger Black Guy
Hey. Back off! I’ll rip out your eyes and piss on your brain. ―Beeks
Randolph Duke: Ezra. Right on time. I’ll bet you thought I’d forgotten your Christmas bonus. There you are.
Ezra: Five dollars. Maybe I’ll go to the movies… by myself.
Mortimer Duke: Half of it is from me.
Ezra: Thank you, Mr. Mortimer.
Ezra leaves table
Ezra: Morons.
Mortimer: You and your Nobel Prize! You idiot!
Randolph Duke: Where’s Beeks? Where in the hell is Beeks?
Louis Winthorpe III: Beeks!
Billy Ray Valentine: Yeah, I forgot all about that guy.
Dock worker #1: Okay, one male gorilla.
Dock worker #2: Wait a minute. There’s two of them in that cage.
Dock worker #1: One gorilla, two gorillas. Big deal. Whole bunch is getting sent back to Africa. It’s a big scientific experiment. What do I know? Anyway, take a look. They’re in love.
Louis Winthorpe III: Randolph. Mortimer.
Mortimer Duke: Winthorpe, my boy, what have you got for us?
Louis Winthorpe III: Well, it’s that time of the month again. Payroll checks for our employees, which require your signatures. And no forgetting to sign the big ones!
Mortimer Duke: We seem to be paying some of our employees an awful lot of money.
Louis Winthorpe III: Can’t get around the old minimum wage, Mortimer.
Official #1: Margin call, gentlemen.
Mortimer: Why, you can’t expect us to –
Official #2: You know the rules of the exchange, Mr. Duke! All accounts are to be settled at the end of the day’s trading, without exception.
Randolph Duke: You know perfectly well we don’t have three hundred and ninety-four million dollars in cash!
George: I’m sorry, boys. Put the Duke brothers’ seats on the exchange up for sale at once; seize all assets of Duke & Duke Commodities Brokers, as well as all personal holdings of Randolph and Mortimer Duke.
Randolph Duke: My God. We’re ruined.
Mortimer: This is an outrage! I demand an investigation! You can’t sell our seats! A Duke has been sitting on this exchange since it was founded! We founded this exchange! It’s ours!! It belongs to US!!!
Randolph Duke: My God…
George: Mortimer, your brother’s not well! We’d better call an ambulance!
Mortimer: FUCK HIM! Now you listen to me! I want trading reopened right now! Get those brokers back in here! Turn those machines back on!! TURN THOSE MACHINES BACK ON!!!
Randolph Duke: Money isn’t everything, Mortimer.
Mortimer Duke: Oh, grow up.
Randolph Duke: Mother always said you were greedy.
Mortimer Duke: She meant it as a compliment.
Louis Winthorpe III: Happy New Year!
Randolph Duke: Winthorpe.
Mortimer: Valentine.
Billy Ray Valentine: Hey! How’d y’all make out today?
Mortimer: How could you do this to us after everything we’ve done for you?
Billy Ray Valentine: Oh, see, I made Louis a bet here! See, Louis bet me that we couldn’t both get rich and put y’all in the poor house at the same time. He didn’t think we could do it. I won.
Louis Winthorpe III: I lost. $1!
Billy Ray Valentine: Thank you, Louis.
Louis Winthorpe III: After you.
Billy Ray Valentine: Certainly.
Billy Ray Valentine: I wish my bitches would get here. I ain’t got time to be sitting in this cell with you.
Big Black Guy # 1: Where is your bitches, Mr. Big-Time Pimp?
Billy Ray Valentine: Didn’t I tell you that the phone in my limousine is busted, and I can’t get in contact with my bitches?
Cellmate #2: Yeah! The phone in the limo was busted. What is ya, ignorant?
Mortimer: I told you we shouldn’t have committed everything, you asshole!
Randolph Duke: We’ve gotta get Wilson! And tell him to sell!!!
Big Black Guy #1: You beating up on a man. You putting a man in a hospital? How come I don’t see no marks on you?
Big Black Guy #2: Yeah!
Billy Ray Valentine: ‘Cause I’m a karate man, see! And a karate man bruises on the inside! They don’t show their weakness. But you don’t know that because you’re a big Barry White looking motherfucker! So get outta my face!
Mortimer: That’s not right! How can the price be going down?
Randolph Duke: Something’s wrong! Where’s Wilson?
Mortimer: What are they doing here?
Randolph Duke: They’re selling, Mortimer!
Mortimer: Why, that’s ridiculous! Unless that crop report …
Randolph Duke: God help us!
Billy Ray is in the Jacuzzi; Coleman takes Billy Ray’s street clothes and closes door
Billy Ray Valentine: When you think of love, does your heart go round and round?
Mortimer: What’s he doing in there?
Coleman: I believe he is singing, sir.
Randolph Duke: They’re very musical people, aren’t they?
Coleman: What should I do with his clothes, sir?
Mortimer: Send them to the laundry. He’ll want something nice and clean to wear to the ghetto…after I’ve won the bet.
Louis Winthorpe III: Think big, think positive, never show any sign of weakness. Always go for the throat. Buy low, sell high. Fear – that’s the other guy’s problem. Nothing you have ever experienced will prepare you for the absolute carnage you are about to witness. The Super Bowl, the World Series – hah, they don’t know what pressure is. In this building, it’s either kill or be killed. You make no friends in the pits and you take no prisoners. One minute you’re up half a million in soybeans and the next, boom, your kids don’t go to college and they’ve repossessed your Bentley. Are you with me?
Billy Ray Valentine: Yeah, we got to kill the mother… we got to kill ’em!
Louis Winthorpe III: Nenge! Nenge Mboko, from Cameroon? Do you remember me? It’s Lionel Joseph!
Billy Ray Valentine: Lionel! From the African Education Conference!
Louis Winthorpe III: Yah, mon, I was Director of Cultural Activities at the Haile Selassie Pavilion.
Billy Ray Valentine: I remember the pavilion – we had big fun there!
Both: Boo bwele boo bwele boo bwele ah ha! Boo bwele boo bwele boo bwele ah ha!
Billy Ray Valentine: Oh, memories!
Louis Winthorpe III: Who is it?
Billy Ray Valentine: Open the door, man!
Coleman: Your … friends seemed to enjoy themselves, sir. In all, I’d say it was quite a success.
Billy Ray Valentine: They wasn’t no “friends” of mine, Coleman. Just a bunch’a freeloaders treatin’ my house like it was a goddamn zoo.
Coleman: Why don’t you retire, sir? You’ve got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.
Billy Ray Valentine: Yeah…I think I will, uh, “retire.”
Heritage Club President: May I have your attention please? There is something vile that has never reared its ugly head in our two hundred and seven years of existence. There is a thief in the Heritage Club. And by “thief,” I do not mean the ordinary street punk our own Winthorpe had the courage to stand up to yesterday. Mild applause No, this thief is 100 times lower. And without further ado, may I introduce Mr. Clarence Beeks of Lyndhurst Security?
Billy Ray Valentine: Merry New Year!
Beeks: Happy New Year. In this country we say “Happy New Year.”
Billy Ray Valentine: Oh, ho, ho, thank you for correcting my English which stinks!
Coleman: Would you like a sip of whiskey?
Billy Ray Valentine: I do not drink, it is against my religion!
Coleman: Religion is a good thing I say, taken in moderation.
Billy Ray Valentine: Hey, sorry about that.
Randolph Duke: It’s perfectly all right William. It was your vase.
Billy Ray Valentine: That was a cheap vase, right? That was a fake? Right?
Randolph Duke: I believe we paid $35,000. But if I remember correctly, we valued it for the insurance company at $50,000. You see, Mortimer? William has already made us $15,000.
Billy Ray Valentine: You want me to break something else?
Randolph Duke, Mortimer Duke, Coleman: NO!
Billy Ray and Louis Winthorpe III: Clarence Beeks!!!
Billy Ray Valentine: The Dukes just gave that guy ten grand!
Louis Winthorpe III: 10 grand?!? I saw an outlay to him in the payroll for 50,000! Mortimer said it was for research.
Billy Ray Valentine: Yeah, research on how he can get his hands on that top-secret crop report two days before it goes public!
Louis Winthorpe III: My God. The Dukes are going to corner the entire frozen orange juice market!
Ophelia: Unless somebody stops them.
Coleman: Or beats them to it. Eggnog?
Billy Ray Valentine: What if I can’t do this job, Coleman? What if I’m not what they expected?
Coleman: Just be yourself, sir. Whatever happens, they can’t take that away from you.
Billy Ray Valentine: You know, you can’t just go around and shoot people in the kneecaps with a double-barreled shotgun ’cause you pissed at ’em.
Louis Winthorpe III: Why not?
Billy Ray Valentine: It’s called assault with a deadly weapon; you get twenty years for that shit!
Louis Winthorpe III: Listen, do you have any better ideas?
Billy Ray Valentine: Yeah. You know, it occurs to me that the best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people.
Coleman: You have to admit, sir, you didn’t like it yourself a bit!
Billy Ray Valentine: No thanks, guys, I already had breakfast this morning.
Mortimer: This is not a meal, Valentine. We are here to try to explain to you what it is we do here.
Randolph Duke: We are commodities brokers, William. Now, what are commodities? Commodities are agricultural products. Like coffee, that you had for breakfast, … wheat, which is used to make bread, … pork bellies, which is used to make bacon – which you might find in a bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich. And then there are other commodities, like frozen orange juice, … and gold. Though, of course, gold doesn’t grow on trees like oranges. Clear so far?
Billy Ray Valentine: Yeah.
Randolph Duke: Good, William! Now, some of our clients are speculating that the price of gold will rise in the future. And we have other clients who are speculating that the price of gold will fall. They place their orders with us, and we buy, or sell, their gold for them.
Mortimer: Tell him the good part.
Randolph Duke: The good part, William, is that, no matter whether our clients make money or lose money, Duke & Duke get the commissions.
Mortimer: Well? What do you think, Valentine?
Billy Ray Valentine: Sounds to me like you guys a couple of bookies!
Randolph Duke: I told you he’d understand.
Coleman: Oh, dear!
Billy Ray Valentine: It … was … the … Dukes! It … was … the … Dukes!
Louis Winthorpe III: You’re a DEAD MAN, Valentine!!!
Billy Ray Valentine: It was an experiment! They used us as guinea pigs, man! The Dukes used us as guinea pigs, to see how our lives would turn out. They made a bet.
Coleman: I’m afraid it’s true, sir.
Ophelia: I believe him, Louie.
Louis Winthorpe III: The Dukes … ruined my life … over a bet. For how much?
Billy Ray Valentine: A dollar.
Louis Winthorpe III: $1. Fine. That’s the way they want it? No problem.
Pawnbroker: Burnt my fingers, man.
Louis Winthorpe III: I beg your pardon?
Pawnbroker: Man, that watch is so hot, it’s smokin’.
Louis Winthorpe III: Hot? Do you mean to imply stolen?
Pawnbroker: I’ll give you 50 bucks for it.
Louis Winthorpe III: 50 bucks? No, no, no. This is a Rouchefoucauld. The thinnest water-resistant watch in the world. Singularly unique, sculptured in design, hand-crafted in Switzerland, and water resistant to three atmospheres. This is the sports watch of the ’80s. $6,955 retail!
Pawnbroker: You got a receipt?
Louis Winthorpe III: Look, it tells time simultaneously in Monte Carlo, Beverly Hills, London, Paris, Rome, and Gstaad.
Pawnbroker: In Philadelphia, it’s worth 50 bucks.
Louis Winthorpe III: Just give me the money.
Pawnbroker takes watch and gives Winthorpe a $50 bill
Pawnbroker: A pleasure doing business with you.
Winthorpe takes money, then looks at display case for another potential business transaction
Louis Winthorpe III: How much for the gun?
Randolph Duke: Exactly why do you think the price of pork bellies is going to keep going down, William?
Billy Ray Valentine: Okay, pork belly prices have been dropping all morning, which means that everybody is waiting for it to hit rock bottom, so they can buy cheap and go long – which means that the people who own the pork belly contracts are goin’ batshit. They’re thinking, “Hey, we’re losin’ all our goddamn money, and Christmas is around the corner, and I ain’t gonna have no money to buy my son the G.I. Joe with the kung-fu grip, right? And my wife ain’t gonna f… my wife ain’t gonna make love to me ‘cuz I ain’t got no money, right?” So they’re panicking right now, they’re screaming, “SELL! SELL!” ‘Cuz they don’t wanna lose all their money, right? They’re panicking out there right now! I can feel it! They out there!
Randolph Duke: He’s right, Mortimer! My God, look at it!
Randolph Duke: Pay up, Mortimer. I’ve won the bet.
Mortimer: Here, one dollar.
Randolph Duke: We took a perfectly useless psychopath like Valentine, and turned him into a successful executive. And during the same time, we turned an honest, hard-working man into a violently, deranged, would-be killer! Now, what are we going to do about taking Winthorpe back and returning Valentine to the ghetto?
Mortimer: I don’t want Winthorpe back, after what he’s done.
Randolph Duke: You mean, keep Valentine on as managing director?
Mortimer: Do you really believe I would have a nigger run our family business, Randolph?
Randolph Duke: Of course not. Neither would I.
Best Trading Places Quotes You’d Love to Tweet
That's called the "quart of blood" technique. You do that, a quart of blood will drop out of a person's body. ―Billy Ray Valentine Click To TweetHey that's the motherf- I mean… that's the gentleman that had me busted. ―Billy Ray Valentine Click To TweetThose men wanted to have sex with me! – Louis Winthorpe III Click To TweetI had the most absurd nightmare. I was poor and no one liked me. I lost my job, I lost my house, Penelope hated me and it was all because of this terrible, awful Negro. ―Louis Winthorpe III Click To TweetHey, baby, what's happening? How are ya doing? Once you have a man with no legs, you never go back, baby. I know what you're thinkin'. You seen "Porgy and Bess"? We can make it, baby! Me and you!… You BITCH! ―Billy Ray Valentine Click To TweetMonkey? MONKEY! I'm a gorilla, you clown! ―Harvey Click To TweetAnd she stepped on the ball. ―Bunny Click To TweetTrading Places Quotes with Images
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FAQs
What is Trading Places?
Trading Places is a 1983 American comedy film directed by John Landis, starring Dan Aykroyd and Eddie Murphy. The film tells the story of an upper-class commodities broker and a street-wise con artist who switch places as part of a bet made between two wealthy men. The film was released on June 7, 1983 and grossed over $90 million at the box office.
What is the plot of the movie?
The film tells the story of two men from radically different backgrounds who are forced to switch places as part of a bet made between two wealthy brothers.
Who are the main characters in the movie?
The protagonist, Louis Winthorpe III, is an upper-class commodities broker for the Duke Brothers on Wall Street in New York City. He was educated at Phillips Exeter Academy, Yale University, and Harvard Business School. Conversely, Billy Ray Valentine (played by Eddie Murphy) is a con artist just out of jail for working with his father’s partner. They agree to work together so that each can acquire enough money to live comfortably for the rest of their lives.
Why did they change places?
As it turns out, the Duke Brothers are participating in a wager over whether or not social status determines success. In order to have complete control over this experiment, one brother decides to create life-changing events for both protagonists.
What are some of the best quotes from Trading Places?
* To a man with a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
* I’m sorry, did I break your concentration?
* You’ll have to speak up, I’m wearing a towel.
* Merry Christmas, you filthy animal!
* I’d like to go home now.
* It’s so nice out there and in here it’s so cold and dark.
Conclusion
Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed these quotes from Trading Places.
If you haven’t seen the movie, I highly recommend it. It’s a classic comedy that will have you laughing out loud from beginning to end.
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