House M.D. is not just a light-hearted drama, but also an insightful character study into the mind of one such physician.

House M.D., created by David Shore, features the sarcastic and brilliant Gregory House (Hugh Laurie) and his team of oddball doctors.

House Md Quotes: The Best of House's Wit and Wisdom

House, the grumpy yet lovable anti-hero of House M.D., certainly isn’t known for his subtlety or political correctness, which makes him all the more entertaining to watch.

Although the show ran from 2004 to 2012, it remains popular today thanks to its fascinatingly accurate yet fictional portrayals of medicine and life as a doctor.

Dr. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie) is known for his many quips and one-liners, usually at the expense of his patients and their loved ones.

Whether you want to reflect on the show or be inspired by some of Dr. House’s best lines, here are 25 of his most memorable quotes from House M.D.

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Best House M.D. Quotes | From All House M.D. Episodes
Best House M.D. Quotes

Best House MD Quotes to Make You Laugh and Think

You can have all the faith you want in spirits, and the afterlife, heaven and hell; but when it comes to this world, don ’ t be an idiot. Because you can tell me that you put your faith in God to get you through the day, but when it comes time to cross the road I know you look both ways. ―House

Yeah, the hand of God reached into this kid’s pants, made him have sex so he could scratch a rash, stick his fingers in some woman’s face, give her a few extra months. Ah, he’s just another liar and manipulator. ―House

He could show up at any minute! The honor of working for you is not worth a felony charge. ―Chase

He could show up at any minute! The honor of working for you is not worth a felony charge. ―Chase

You know, it’s a real thin line between tortured genius and awkward kid who can’t get girls because he’s… creepy. ―House

Best House MD Quotes about Our Actions

Our actions here are all that matters. ―House

Our actions here are all that matters. ―House, House Md Quotes: The Best of House's Wit and Wisdom

I guess maybe I could bring it in tomorrow. After all, how many times can you hit pause at the part where Lindsay Lohan plays the spelling bee? What is it about girls who can spell? ―House

God told me I would meet a woman healer who was harboring vengeful thoughts about a man she works with. ―Boyd

Oh, that’s great. And when vacation’s over, when she crash lands from all this denial, she was dealing with her illness. Now her expectations are rising. And you’re not the one that has to be there when all that false hope gets yanked out from under her. ―Wilson

Best House MD Quotes: The Best of House's Wit and Wisdom Click To Tweet

HOUSE: Thank you all for coming… to Tribal Council. (To Cole) Man of your integrity, I feel I can trust… Big Love. And I don’t call you that because you are a Mormon. (Winks broadly as Cole grimaces) So, where’s your team’s sixth man?
COLE: She went rogue. Broke the rules.
HOUSE: You also sinned. You have no right to cast the first stone.
COLE: And atheists have no right to quote Scripture.
HOUSE: The rules said ‘no talking’.
COLE: I told her not to talk.
HOUSE: Out loud.

CUDDY: Hello? Hello? Hello? [House finally looks up.] I have sad news for you. She doesn’t love you.
HOUSE: You’re ugly when you’re jealous.
CUDDY: She showed up at my house last night, came on to me. HOUSE: She’s even more perfect than I thought.
CUDDY: House! She’s sick.
HOUSE: You say sick, I say freestyling.

HOUSE: Thought you wouldn’t mind sharing offices for a while.
WILSON: You share stories, feelings… toys. You don’t share offices.
HOUSE: That is so not Zen.

FOREMAN: God would probably want you to take the stick out of your butt and get over this.
CAMERON: If there is some higher order running the universe, it’s probably so different from anything our species can conceive there’s no point in our even thinking about it. But I doubt He gives a damn about my butt.
FOREMAN: You believe God might exist, but you don’t think about it? It’s the most important issue—
CAMERON: I think penguins might as well speculate about nuclear physics, why are we having this conversation?
FOREMAN: What? I’m curious.

WILSON: Did you know the Catholic Church keeps a doctor at Lordes? He hears the same thing every day. But out of the thousands of cases of people who have claimed to feel better, the Catholic Church has only recognized a handful as miracles.
GRACE: But they do recognize a handful.
WILSON: Well, they’re a church. It’s what they do.

HOUSE: She said no.
FOREMAN: So we get her declared unstable, appoint a medical power…
HOUSE: She was unstable. Now she’s sane. She’s entitled to refuse treatment.
FOREMAN: You have to change her mind, you can’t just walk away.

WILSON: You can’t let a dying man take solace in his beliefs?
HOUSE: His beliefs are stupid.
WILSON: Why can’t you just let him have his fairy tale if it gives him comfort to imagine beaches, and loved ones, and life outside a wheelchair?
HOUSE: There’s 72 virgins, too?
WILSON: It’s over. He’s got days, maybe hours left. What pain does it cause him if he spends that time with a peaceful smile? What sick pleasure do you get in making damn sure he’s filled with fear and dread?
HOUSE: He shouldn’t be making a decision based on a lie. Misery is better than nothing.
WILSON: You don’t know there’s nothing; you haven’t been there!
HOUSE: (rolls his eyes) Oh God, I’m tired of that argument. I don’t have to go to Detroit to know that it smells!

HOUSE: If you believe in eternity, then life is irrelevant — the same as a bug is irrelevant in comparison to the universe.
EVE: If you don’t believe in eternity, then what you do here is irrelevant.
HOUSE: Your acts here are all that matters.
EVE: Then nothing matters. There’s no ultimate consequences.

CUDDY: You don’t prescribe medicine based on guesses. At least we don’t since Tuskegee and Mengele.
HOUSE: You’re comparing me to a Nazi. Nice.
CUDDY: I’m stopping the treatment.

HOUSE: There’s never any proof. Five different doctors come up with five different diagnoses based on the same evidence.
CUDDY: You don’t have any evidence. And nobody knows anything, huh? And how is it you always think you’re right?
HOUSE: I don’t. I just find it hard to operate on the opposite assumption. And why are you so afraid of making a mistake?

HOUSE: Unfortunately you have a deeper problem. Your wife is having an affair.
Man: What?
HOUSE: You’re orange, you moron. It’s one thing for you not to notice. But if your wife hasn’t picked up on the fact that her husband has changed color, she’s just not paying attention. By the way, do you consume just a ridiculous amount of carrots and megadose vitamins?
[Man nods.] Carrots turn you yellow, the niacin turns you red. Find some finger paint and do the math. And get a good lawyer.

CAMERON: I wrote a letter to the board of directors appealing the transplant committee’s decision. I’m alleging bias against you clouded their medical judgment. I need you to sign.
HOUSE: They made the right call.
CAMERON: You don’t believe that. You told the committee —
HOUSE: I was advocating for my patient. [he signs the letter anyway]
CAMERON: Then why are you —
HOUSE: Advocating for my patient…

Best House MD Quotes to Brighten Your Day

HOUSE: Well, it doesn’t matter; we obviously can’t use it on this patient.
CAMERON: No, but there are other doctors in this hospital, and other patients.

FOREMAN: You tubed him and he didn’t wanna be tubed! He has a legal paper saying just that.
HOUSE: To intubate or not to intubate, that is the big ethical question. Actually, I was hoping we could avoid it, maybe just practice some medicine.

WILSON: So I take it you were in there informing her?
CAMERON: Well, I… I hadn’t exactly gotten around to that, but I was just —
WILSON: Doing what? Making friends?
CAMERON: Cindy’s divorced. She doesn’t have any kids, no siblings, both her parents are gone —
WILSON: It’s not your job to be her friend. Do you understand?

FOREMAN: Maybe we can get a court order, override her wishes. Claim she doesn’t have the capacity to make this decision.
HOUSE: But she does.
CAMERON: But we could claim that the illness made her mentally incompetent.
FOREMAN: Pretty common result.
HOUSE: That didn’t happen here.
WILSON: He’s not gonna do it. She’s not just a file to him anymore. He respects her.
CAMERON: So because you respect her, you’re going to let her die?
HOUSE: I solved the case, my work is done.

CAMERON: Aren’t you at all concerned about what Max is going through right now? Shoving a tube up her rectum. Then they’re going to swab her stomach just like I’m doing. It’s going to hurt just like this hurts, which is nothing at all like the risk she’s taking on the table. You don’t love her, do you?
HANNAH: I’m not leaving her because I don’t —
CAMERON: I’m not talking about the leaving, I’m talking about this. If you care for her at all, you won’t let her do this blind.
HANNAH: You’d really tell?
HANNAH: You’d die

WILSON: Allison, their baby’s dying. If the parents weren’t in tears when you left, you didn’t tell them the truth.
CAMERON: That’s not how I see it.
WILSON: Do you want them blindsided? Want them coming up and saying, “My God, my baby died, why didn’t you warn me?”
CAMERON: So now it’s about worrying about them yelling at us?
WILSON: No, it’s about getting them prepared for the likely death of their child.
CAMERON: If their son dies tomorrow, do you think they’ll give a damn what I said to them today? It’s not going to matter; they’re not going to care; it’s not going to be the same ever again. Just give those poor women a few hours of hope.

HOUSE: Chase told me about that idea you had, the parents holding the baby. Where’d you get that? Did you lose someone? Did you lose a baby?
CAMERON: You can be a real bastard.

HOUSE: All right, I give up, who was it? Who in your family had the weight problem?
CAMERON: You think I can only care about a patient if I know someone else who’s been through the same thing?

HOUSE: I’m Dr. House.
REBECCA: It’s good to meet you.
HOUSE: You’re being an idiot. You have a tapeworm in your brain, it’s not pleasant, but if we don’t do anything you’ll be dead by the weekend.
REBECCA: Have you actually seen the worm?
HOUSE: When you’re all better I’ll show you my diplomas.
REBECCA: You were sure I had vasculitis, too. Now I can’t walk and I’m wearing a diaper. What’s this treatment going to do for me?

FOREMAN: If any of us did this, you’d fire us.
HOUSE: Well, that’s funny. I thought I encouraged you to question.
FOREMAN: You’re not questioning. You’re hoping. You want it to be Wilson’s. Boom. Give her a couple of drugs, she’s okay.

STUDENT: Kidney stone.
HOUSE: Kidney stones would cause what?
STUDENT: Blood in urine.
HOUSE: What color is your pee?
STUDENT: Yellow.
HOUSE: What color is your blood?
HOUSE: What colors did I use?
STUDENT: Red, yellow, and brown.
HOUSE: And brown. What causes brown?

HOUSE: The tumor is Afghanistan. The clot is Buffalo. Does that need more explanation? Okay. The tumor is Al – Qaeda, the big bad guy with brains. We went in and wiped it out, but it had already sent out a splinter cell, a small team of low – level terrorists, quietly living in some suburb of Buffalo, waiting to kill us all.
FOREMAN: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you trying to say that the tumor threw a clot before we removed it?
HOUSE: It was an excellent metaphor. Angio her brain before this clot straps on an explosive vest.

WILSON: I want you to accept that sometimes patients die against all reason. Sometimes they get better against all reason.
HOUSE: No, they don’t. We just don’t know the reason.

HOUSE: He now has feeling all the way up to the calf. This is the way medicine evolved. Patients sometimes get better. You have no idea why, but unless you give a reason they won ’ t pay you. Anybody notice if there’s a full moon?
CAMERON: You’re saying he just spontaneously got better?
HOUSE: No, I’m saying let’s rule out the lunar god and go from there.

HOUSE: It was so perfect. It was beautiful.
WILSON: Beauty often seduces us on the road to truth.
HOUSE: And triteness kicks us in the ’nads.
WILSON: So true.
HOUSE: This doesn’t bother you?
WILSON: That you were wrong? I’ll try to work through the pain.
HOUSE: I was not wrong. Everything I said was true. It fit. It was elegant.
WILSON: So… reality was wrong.
HOUSE: Reality is almost always wrong.

THE HUSBAND: It’s hard to lose your people. You must be upset.
HOUSE: I must be.
THE HUSBAND: But you’re not.
HOUSE: No, I’m okay.
THE HUSBAND: What are you going to do?
HOUSE: God only knows.

CAMERON: What are you going to do?
HOUSE: I thought I’d get your theories, mock them, then embrace my own. The usual.

Other House MD Quotes on Medicine, Hospital and Life

Never met a diagnostic study I couldn’t refute.

Never met a diagnostic study I couldn’t refute., House Md Quotes: The Best of House's Wit and Wisdom

I take risks, sometimes patients die. But not taking risks causes more patients to die, so I guess my biggest problem is I’ve been cursed with the ability to do the math.

Never trust doctors.

Never Trust Doctors. House Md Quotes: The Best of House's Wit and Wisdom

That’s a catchy diagnosis, you could dance to that.

Idiopathic, from the Latin meaning we’re idiots cause we can’t figure out what’s causing it.

If he gets better, I’m right, if he dies, you’re right.

If he gets better, I’m right, if he dies, you’re right. Best House MD Quotes,

Tragedies happen.

Weird works for me.

In case I’m wrong. It has happened.

In case I am wrong, it has happened, Best House MD Quotes

It does tell us something. Though I have no idea what.

I hurt my leg. I have a note.

The eyes can mislead, the smile can lie, but the shoes always tell the truth.

Hang up a shingle and condemn the narrowness and greed of Western medicine, you’d make a damn fine living.

It is the nature of medicine that you are going to screw up.

Right and wrong do exist. Just because you don’t know what the right answer is — maybe there’s even no way you could know what the right answer is — doesn’t make your answer right or even okay. It’s much simpler than that. It’s just plain wrong.

On average, drug addicts are stupid…. I believe drug addicts get sick. Actually, for some reason they tend to get sick more often than non-drug addicts.

You know what’s worse than useless? Useless and oblivious.

It is in the nature of medicine that you are gonna screw up. You are gonna kill someone. If you can’t handle that reality, pick another profession. Or finish medical school and teach.

House MD Quotes You’d Love to Tweet

If you're dying, suddenly everybody loves you. ―House Click To TweetFiguring out who people are takes time. And it takes twice as much time if they're trying to impress you. ―House Click To TweetYou'd be surprised what you can live without. ―House Click To TweetIt is in the nature of medicine, that you are gonna screw up. You are gonna kill someone. If you can't handle that reality, pick another profession or finish medical school and teach. ―House Click To TweetYou talk to God, you're religious; God talks to you, you're psychotic. ―House Click To TweetWhen we don't find the logical answer, we settle for a stupid one. Ritual is what happens when we run out of rational. ―House Click To TweetNobel invented dynamite, I won't accept his blood money. ―House Click To TweetThere is not a thin line between love and hate. There is – in fact – a Great Wall of China, with armed sentries posted every 20 feet between love and hate. ―House Click To TweetPerseverance does not equal worthiness. ―House Click To TweetIf you could reason with religious people, there would be no religious people. ―House Click To TweetIs a lie a lie if everybody knows it's a lie? ―House Click To TweetIf you wanted fair, you chose the wrong job, the wrong profession, the wrong species. ―House Click To TweetI'm a very high-strung little lapdog. Ruff ruff ruff, rarr, ruff! ―House Click To TweetEither God doesn't exist or he's unimaginably cruel. ―House Click To Tweet

Download Best House MD Quotes

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How many seasons are there in House?

There are 8 seasons total in the show House.

What is a good quote from the show?

Everybody lies.

What is your favorite episode?

My favorite episode would have to be either Wilson’s Heart or Running with Scissors because it had some of my favorite quotes and moments from the show.

Who does Dr. House think he is?

He believes that he doesn’t need anyone but himself to be happy.

What is Dr. House’s full name?

Gregory Edward Chase House M.D., but people only call him Greg.

How old is Dr. House?

Dr. House is 47 years old.

Do Dr. House and Wilson live together?

Yes, they do live together in the same apartment.

Why does Dr. House always insult people?

He uses this tactic as a defense mechanism for when he feels like other people might insult him first.

What are famous characters in House MD?

Some of the most famous characters are:
* Dr. Gregory House
* Dr. James Wilson
* Dr. Lisa Cuddy
* Dr. Eric Foreman


Hope this list was as much fun for you to read as it was for me to put together.

Let me know what your favorite quote by commenting here.

Thanks for reading!

Don’t forget to share this post with your friends and let them know about the best doctor on TV!

You can learn more about Dr. House by visiting

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